Through the Looking Glass
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Welcome to the next Hotch/Emily epic. After Hotch finds Emily's diary after the events surrounding Ian Doyle, will it help him begin to understand the woman behind the agent?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note - So, I know I sound like a broken record, guys, but We've got less than two weeks left to vote in the Profiler's Choice CM Awards. ALL the details can be found on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. Links are in my profile page. If you've got ANY questions, PLEASE PM me. Also, for every person that votes in at least TEN categories, you are automatically registered to win one of two Amazon. com gift cards. So, please, put on those reading hats, grab a cup of coffee and check out the ballot. We have some great stories and fabulous authors up for consideration.**

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**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter One**

"Old habits die hard, huh? You're still burning the midnight oil?"

Bent over his desk, head in his hands as his eyes raked over yet another of the seemingly endless bureaucratic forms he was responsible for, Aaron Hotchner barely suppressed his amusement at the gentle rebuke coloring her remark as he raised his head.

"Emily," he said deeply, once again reminded how good it felt to have her back as he gazed at her standing framed in his office doorway. "I haven't quite gotten used to hearing the sound of your voice again," he remarked with a chuckle, offering her a genuine smile. "Come in. And might I add that it's only six o'clock," he said, his lips twitching, as he gestured at the visitor's chair across from his desk.

"Thanks, but isn't this a school night?" Emily grinned as she walked in, dumping her briefcase on one of the two chairs before taking a seat in the other.

"Fall break. Jack's having a sleepover at a friend's house tonight," he explained easily. "I assume I can take it from the smile you're wearing that you've finished all of your recertifications for a full return to active duty," Aaron Hotchner commented, leaning back in his chair as her relieved eyes found his.

"I did," she said, presenting the necessary forms to him with a flourish and placing them precisely in the center of his desk. "Although, I'd like to once again state for the record that this was a massive waste of both mine and the Bureau's time," she said with a pointed look.

"Hey," Hotch replied as he shrugged. "According to all things Bureau related, you were dead. I'm surprised Strauss didn't push me into sending you back through the Academy," he snorted, only half-joking. Being left out of the proverbial loop wasn't something the Section Chief was particularly pleased about, but that decision had been well beyond both his and her pay grades.

"I guess you have a point," Emily admitted with a rueful chuckle as she watched Hotch flip through the paper clipped pages, his long fingers caressing the sharp corners as his eyes scanned the documents. "Please tell me that you have everything there," she pleaded, virtually vibrating in her seat. "This place's Hall of Records rivals anything Harry Potter's world has ever seen."

Smirking, Hotch raised an eyebrow at the woman in front of him. "Harry Potter?"

"Hey," Emily snorted, rolling her eyes, "I had some long lonely days to fill while I was away. J.K. Rowling picked up the tab for about a month."

"Better than Twilight, I suppose," Hotch murmured as his lips twitched, dropping his eyes back to the completed forms.

"Read those, too," Emily revealed, her cheeks reddening slightly at the confidence. "But," she said slowly, cocking her head as she peered at her Unit Chief, "Do I want to know why Aaron Hotchner is familiar with all things Stephenie Meyer? Tell the truth, Hotch...you're Team Edward, aren't you?"

Chuckling, Hotch rolled his eyes. "Don't get any funny ideas, Prentiss. I took Jessica's girls to see the last movie so she and her husband could have some downtime. I'm firmly planted on Team Jacob," he replied, tongue in cheek.

"Always for the underdog, huh? I should have known that. You were on my side, weren't you?"

"And look who took that round." Hotch nodded, scrawling his signature on the bottom of the last form. "I put my money on the right contender, didn't I?"

"I guess so," Emily murmured, looking away from him for a second as she tried to control the thoughts once again raging. For the past month, she had maintained a tenuous hold on those rampant emotions that threatened to escape at the most inopportune moments. And now that she was once again considering the ramifications of her actions, she found questioning those choices.

"Em..." Hotch frowned briefly, noting the distance he'd seen reflected in her eyes before she averted her face. "You okay?" he asked, concerned.

Shaking her head, Emily forced the smile back to her lips though it didn't quite reach her eyes this time. "I guess I'm still recovering, too. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I won much at all, you know."

"You're alive," Hotch reminded her steadily, his dark eyes boring into hers. "That's a win, Emily."

"At what cost?" she asked faintly with a weak shrug of her shoulders. "My resurrection has fractured the team in more ways than one despite our little food fight the other night," she remarked, her smile widening briefly as she remembered the impromptu war that had erupted inside Rossi's kitchen a few evenings ago, that moment one of the few instances of levity since she'd returned to the unit. And it had been over all too quickly.

"Everyone is finding their balance, Emily. We all knew that would take longer for some than others," Hotch reminded the other woman softly, well aware that certain individuals under his command were having a harder time coping than others. He'd been tempted more than once to choke Spencer Reid and Derek Morgan for the shadows hovering in Emily's eyes on the occasions when they'd frozen her out.

"I know," she grimaced, swallowing hard as she felt the familiar stirrings of anxiety and panic in her chest. Damn it, she thought those little episodes would end when she returned home. No such luck. Now, it wasn't her life she feared for...but, rather that her life would never return to what she'd once considered normal. "I don't know what I really expected, Hotch."

"We've got to be patient," Hotch counseled softly, hating that hopelessness he saw shining in her eyes. Usually, she banked the emotion, hiding it under a layer of reserve, but tonight, it shone freely. "It _is_ going to get better," he assured her.

Allowing the certainty in his voice to soothe her frayed nerves, Emily nodded. "Of course it will," she said, forcing an optimism she wasn't sure she felt into her tone. "Time heals all wounds, right?"

"I don't know about that," Hotch said kindly but firmly as he shrugged, "but, it definitely dulls the pain."

Their eyes collided for a charged moment, each remembering the ache of the last few months. Forcing his eyes back to the sheath of papers on his desk before he became completely lost in her darkened eyes, Hotch murmured, "Everything appears to be in order here, Prentiss. I think we can officially say you are back from the dead."

"That's a relief," Emily said with a satisfied nod, her shoulders relaxing slightly at his pronouncement. "Being a walking, talking corpse was beginning to grate on my nerves," she laughed.

"Glad we can help with that." Hotch grinned, collecting all the documents in his hand and tapping them against his desk. "I'll make sure to drop them off in Strauss' office before I leave. Can I do anything else for you?"

Collecting her bag and briefcase from the chair beside her, Emily shook her head. "Not unless you can help me convince Blockbuster that they aren't renting movies to a ghost," she chuckled. "I'm going to give that another try tonight."

"Sounds like fun," Hotch replied, half wishing he could watch that argument unfold as he rose from the desk and followed her to the door.

Pausing at the entryway, Emily turned to meet Hotch's eyes. "Thanks, Hotch," she said softly. "For everything."

"Try to get some rest, Emily," Hotch replied gently, his eyes settling on the dark circles beneath her eyes.

Seeing her slight nod, he watched as she walked down the hallway, her footsteps a little slower and heavier than he remembered them being months prior. Releasing his breath as she disappeared around the corner, he sighed. Closing his office door with a muffled click, he frowned as he saw an open book on the floor in front of his desk. Crossing the room he knelt to pick it up, he immediately recognizing Emily's precise handwriting.

Flipping through the pages quickly, he quickly realized that he held her journal. And if he read correctly, she'd began this particular volume one week after she'd reached Bethesda.

_Put it away, Aaron. These are Emily's personal thoughts...they're private. _

Pressing his lips together as his conscience tried to reason with him, he snapped the leather notebook closed, dropping it on the center of his desk.

Sitting down in one of the visitor's chairs, he stared at the innocent looking book in front of him, knowing it was anything but. Within its depths laid an insight into the woman that had just left his office...the woman that had consumed his thoughts for months.

His fingers itched to touch it. Jaw clenched, he struggled against the urge to reach for it.

_Somewhere inside those handwritten pages might be the answers to the complicated questions you've been asking yourself, Aaron. This is the key to the lock in Emily's mind. Turn the fucking key!_

Closing his eyes, Hotch attempted to ignore the nagging voice screaming from the depths of his psyche.

It was an invasion of her privacy. It was wrong. It was...

_Necessary._

And leaning forward, Aaron Hotchner reached for the diary with a shaking hand.

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**A/N - Welcome to the next Hotch & Emily epic! Let us know your thoughts!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Hello! And Happy Holiday Season! First, a huge round of congratulations to each winner in the second annual Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards. Thanks to each of them and all our nominees as well as everyone that took the time to cast a vote! It was a huge success with a 166 unique voters choosing from some fabulous stories! Hopefully next year will be even bigger and better. Winning fics have been posted at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner". Check it out.**

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**Through The Looking Glass**

**Chapter Two**

Flipping open the leather bound notebook, Hotch inhaled deeply as he stared down at the neatly written page, Emily's distinctive handwriting immediately recognizable to him. For years, he had grown accustomed to her swirly and yet solid style, able to pinpoint her words and analysis from a sea of reports with just one glance.

Right or wrong, he needed to do this. He needed to gain some insight into her inner thoughts, if only to save his own sanity. For months, he'd wondered if she was alright...if she was safe...how she had truly felt. And now, he'd been presented with an opportunity to learn what he wanted to know. Yes, he'd been relegated to the capacity of Peeping Tom, but sometimes necessity wasn't exactly convenient.

Or socially acceptable. But a man had to do what a man had to do.

It wasn't the conventional way he would have chosen to find the answers he needed, but if he knew Prentiss at all, this might well be the only chance he had. Neither he nor Emily was accustomed to verbalizing their feelings. This was the next best thing. Hell, it was the _only_ thing.

And bending his head, he began to read.

**$$0000$$**

_May 25, 2011_

_Walter Reed Hospital - Bethesda, Maryland_

_They tell me I'm alive._

_Barely._

_Funny, I don't feel alive. I feel like I've had everything real in my world ripped away from me...my family, my identity...my life. The saddest part is that the only person I have to blame is myself._

_I'm alone. Again. I thought when I left for Boston that wouldn't bother me so much. I've been alone most of my life in some capacity, haven't I? Of course, I was lying to myself then. Now, I can't afford that luxury. Now, I have to face the truth - whatever that may be... however hard it is._

_And the truth is that I screwed up._

_No one here will answer any of my questions. The doctor says that I'll be briefed when I'm stronger. And nurses aren't nearly as chatty as they used to be._

_Right now, strength feels a long way off. I almost relish the physical pain, though. It reminds me that this isn't a dream. It's all really happening. And, somehow, I survived._

_That's the one thing for which I wasn't prepared - my survival, that is._

_What a cosmic joke of the universe!_

_I was supposed to die. That, I'd been prepared for! I thought I'd known what the cost of doing business with Ian Doyle would be. God, I was stupid._

_He was supposed to have killed me. I remember that look in Ian's eyes right before everything went dark. That look had held certain death. I can still feel the wood being shoved into me as his eyes had bored into mine. The last real thought I can remember thinking was that if I hadn't managed to do anything else...I'd saved Declan from this life Ian had chosen._

_Then it becomes hazy. I distantly remember Derek's voice telling me that I had to live...begging me to stay with him. I wanted to answer him, but I could feel the blackness creeping in and at the time, I guess I embraced it. If I concentrate hard enough, I can almost imagine Aaron's voice, too. In my memories, he sounds frantic...desperate. Which only goes to show that must have been a fabrication of my imagination brought on from loss of blood. Aaron's seldom been desperate and I'm fairly certain he's never been frantic a day in his life. Perhaps it's only wishful thinking...but I could swear I felt his lips against my cheek at one point...his hand in my hair. _

_But that isn't possible, is it? It was only Derek I remember crashing into the room with me._

_Maybe I'm losing my mind. I wouldn't be surprised. I was crazy to try and take on Doyle alone. But I had to protect them...especially him. I couldn't risk their safety. I did the right thing, didn't I? Leading Ian away from them was the only viable option I had if I wanted to eliminate them as targets._

_Of course, that all backfired, didn't it?_

**$$0000$$**

Touching a hand to the page as he finished reading the entry, Aaron swallowed hard, her written words piercing him to his already scarred soul. He'd known she'd doubt herself...her choices. But, he'd never expected her to blame herself.

Making his lungs cooperate with his stern mental order to breathe, he shook his head.

And she thought he was a fantasy?

The hazy recollection she had documented was forever seared into his memory. That seemingly endless ride as he'd sat by her side in the back of the ambulance that long ago night...

What she recalled as frantic was a mild term compared to the condition he'd actually been in. Hysterical would have been closer to the truth. Frenzied would be even more accurate. He'd offered deals to God that would stun her, but her continued existence had been paramount in his terrified mind. There hadn't been anything in those tense moments that he would not have done to ensure her survival.

There'd been so much blood. He could still clearly see in his mind's eye how vulgar it had appeared against her pale skin. Even now, when his rational mind knew she was safe and whole, it made his stomach churn. Her fragile body had lain as still as death on the gurney and he recalled vividly the moment she referred to in her writing.

It had been the moment when he'd known he wouldn't be able to bear losing a second woman that he loved. He could still feel her cool cheek beneath his lips as he'd leaned forward, hoarsely begging her to live for him...entreating her to fight harder for her life. Her silky hair had been soft between his fingers as his tears had fallen unchecked down his cheeks to fall against her slack face.

Shuddering in his chair as memories flooded him, horrifying him with their intensity, he forced himself to move past the terror. She was back. She'd made it back to him, he chanted silently to himself as he clutched the volume in his hand.

Smoothing his hand against the open page, he took another deep breath as his heartbeat slowed in his chest, calmed by the fact that she had physically been in front him just a few minutes ago.

And inhaling deeply, his fingers turned another page of Emily Prentiss's life.

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**So there's the second chappie! Whatcha ya'll think?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – Updates will continue to be slower over the next month. Please stay with us as we adjust to our "new" normal. And check out "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. We've added a new moderator (hxchick) and some new discussion threads.**

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**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Three**

_May 28, 2011_

_Walter Reed, Bethesda, Maryland_

_They finally let me see a mirror today. Nurse Helen (or who I now privately think of as Helen the Horrid) insisted I try to walk. That was fun. I'm pretty sure the guy in 3B had a nice view of my bare ass (Damned hospital gowns!). Oh, well...it's not as though there is any such thing as dignity in this place. Evidently, the powers that be insist you turn pride in upon admission into this fine hospital. At any rate, I made the required three laps around the corridor. Go, me! Funny how busting down doors with Morgan feels like a lifetime ago when in reality it was less than a month past. Although, I gotta say, taking down unsubs bent on destruction seems like a picnic compared to this recovery._

_There's something woefully unfair about that._

_So, after my marathon hallway jog, Helen the Horrid agreed that I'd earned my first shower since I'd checked into this fine five star hospital. You take for granted simple liberties like being able to bathe alone when you're healthy. Now, the fact that I managed to earn myself fifteen minutes of uninterrupted solitude seemed like a sweet victory...almost as good as capturing one of those bastards I used to hunt. I have to wonder if this is my new reality. God, I hope not._

_So, the shower...The shower was nice. Hot water...soap...shampoo. Hell, who am I trying to delude? That shower was as close to heaven as I ever remember coming. _

_Then I got out._

_And I got a good look at what I've become._

_I didn't recognize my own body as I'd stood naked in front of the mirror. _

_Crisscrossed with angry looking half-healed scars, my chest and belly look like something that would make Frankenstein say, "I look goooodddd!". My skin hangs off my body now. No muscle tone. No muscles, period. I look like one of those emaciated prisoners of war you see in old war movies. And, let's face it...I kinda am. _

_But those consequences are bearable. In time, I could game weight back and regain strength. The ugly wounds marring my belly and chest would eventually fade._

_None of that was the worst of what faced me when I stared at my reflection. Those things I could handle._

_But, the worst was...the bastard marked me._

_Somehow, with everything that's happened, I'd managed to block out what had happened in that abandoned warehouse before our final showdown. Fighting for the right to continue breathing tends to make a girl prioritize her issues._

_But, standing there in the tiny bathroom off my room, it all came back to me. The blinding pain of his signature four leaf clover being seared into my flesh...the look of triumph that had flashed in his ice blue eyes when I'd screamed...the scent of burning skin..my burning skin!.. filling my nostrils, making me gag. In those moments when I'd stood staring at his brand in the mirror, it felt like it had happened only seconds prior._

_Even now, it makes me shake with anger and that kind of hopeless rage from which nothing productive ever comes that I'll carry his mark the rest of my life, an ongoing reminder that I'll never really be free of Ian's influence. It's not the brand itself that I find so distasteful, but what it symbolizes. That little clover reminds me that he won...I was entirely and completely at his mercy - and, I suppose, I always will be in some capacity._

_Will I ever overcome that feeling?_

_When I emerged from the bathroom, pale and shaking, Nurse Helen assumed I'd over exerted myself. And maybe I had a bit. After all, for some reason, unknown to even myself, I had tried to scrub the seared skin and distort the clover's image. It only took a moment for Helen the Horrid to spot the oozing blood and raw red skin surrounding Doyle's lasting imprint._

_And then the good nurse had sealed her fate with me. That pitying look...the sympathetic gleam in her eyes...and the suggestion that, perhaps, I'd like to talk to one of the therapists on staff..._

_Yeah, Helen was indeed horrible. And very possibly insane._

_Evidently, she knew absolutely nothing about her patient. Prentisses do NOT talk about their feelings. Ever. It's been an unspoken rule for centuries that I'm sure started with the first Prentiss that participated in the Crusades. _

_We smile through the pain. We remain unaffected. We compartmentalize._

_We do not waste precious energy rehashing events. We do not discuss things. We do NOT cry._

_We don't!_

_What we do is tamp down on our emotions, maintain our stiff upper lip, and soldier on._

_And as I write this, I begin to wonder if I was perhaps adopted._

_**$$0000$$**_

Aaron released a hoarse bark of laughter as he read the last line of Emily's journal entry. Even when her world had been spinning madly out of control, the unique woman had maintained her sense of humor, he thought proudly, his finger caressing the last sentence.

God, she'd been forced to deal with so much pain. Physically and emotionally.

And she'd endured it all alone.

Without any of them. Without her family. Without him.

He'd always admired the woman she was, even before he'd known any of her dark, well-kept secrets. Reading this diary entry, however, his respect rose another few notches.

He'd have given anything to be there for her...to help shoulder the burden. He recognized it had been impossible...in so many ways. But, it didn't change the guilt weighing heavily on his soul.

She'd been there for him in those dark days after Haley had died, helping him cope. Not being able to do the same for her was a cross he'd born with no small amount of agony.

These words he'd read only attested to her strength. Oh, he was aware she'd argue that issue. If he knew her at all, he knew she'd claim that this would only lend to the perception that she was weak.

She'd be wrong. In his mind, this only convinced him further that she might very well be the strongest woman he'd ever known.

And with a deep sigh, he turned another page.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey, guys, due to forum difficulties that will hopefully be resolved by fanfiction dot net soon, if you wish to join the Valentine's Challenge 2012, please visit us over at facebook. There is a group link on my page (Ilovetvalot Fanfiction) and on Hx Chick's page (Hx Chick) where you may sign up. Thanks!**

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**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Four**

_June 2, 2011 _

_They buried me today._

Blinking hard at the uncharacteristic moisture that filled his eyes as he read that simple sentence, Aaron Hotchner's heart broke. As hard as it was for him to read, writing that statement must have been torture for her.

_I saw it all._

An audible gasp escaped his lips as his mind processed those written words. She'd _been_ there? She'd watched them lower her coffin into the ground? Jesus, if she'd been there, then she knew...

_I noticed one conspicuous absence. Why am I not surprised? Mother must have had a tea party at some miniscule Embassy to attend. Of course, she resented being present for my birth. Why should I have expected her to take time out of her schedule for my funeral?_

_It shouldn't hurt. And yet, it does._

"Damn," Aaron bit out, closing the book, but holding the place with his finger as he leaned back against his chair and stared into space. He'd hoped that she would never find out of her mother's absence at her alleged funeral. He'd never even considered the possibility that she might _have been_ there.

He still remembered every second of his conversation with Emily's mother. It had lasted exactly four minutes and thirty-two seconds. He had timed it. Shaking his head as he remembered her clipped, almost annoyed voice speaking to him from an ocean away, he muffled another rough curse.

After telling the woman that her only child had been lost to a brutal serial killer, he had heard the Ambassador inhale sharply. Silence had reigned for several moments before she'd finally deigned to say, "How unfortunate. I assume that she will be buried in Washington?"

After averring, he'd sat in shock as she'd said stiffly, "Regrettably, my schedule won't permit me to attend. I shall donate a substantial sum to one of Emily's favorite charities. Thank you for calling, Agent Hotchner."

And just like that, the icy bitch had hung up the phone.

He'd known Elizabeth Prentiss was cold and cunning. Working for the woman all those many years ago had taught him that much. But he'd never imagined her to be cruelly distant.

There'd been no tears...no stunned silences...no anything. Nothing that would indicate that she had been affected in the slightest concerning the death of her only daughter.

And, now, he knew that Emily was aware of just how unconcerned her mother had been by her supposed death. That knowledge alone was enough to break his heart and make his blood boil simultaneously.

Running a hand over his face, he could admit to himself that his feelings for Emily had always been complicated. But reading her story, in his own words, gave him a clarity he'd never had before. Always so poised...so controlled...this little book was giving him a direct line of sight into her soul. Her interpretation of everything that had transpired pierced him in a way that nothing else ever had.

She'd been so brave, courageous in a way he'd never been in his life. And for her sacrifice, her mother had repaid her with nothing but dispassionate indifference. Even in her fucking death. He couldn't imagine what that did to a person's psyche. How did someone cope with that kind of callousness? How did someone survive that kind of upbringing to evolve into the caring, compassionate woman he knew her to be?

Releasing a shaky breath, he forced himself to flip the journal open again and look down at her now familiar scrawl.

_My real family showed up, though. The people that chose me to be a part of their lives. At least I know each of them genuinely cared. My sisters...my brothers...my..._

_Your what, Emily? How do you describe Hotch? _

_He's always been so much more than a friend...the notion that he could have ever been a brother to me is laughable. How do I describe a man that has challenged me...that has cared about me...that makes my heart constrict any time he graces me with one of those rare smiles of his? Honestly, he's the only person I've ever found that could have been a kindred spirit. And now, I wonder if he'll ever know what he's meant to me. He changed my life in ways he'll never comprehend. Without even trying, he made me stronger...tougher...hell, he made me feel human again. _

_God, how I miss them all...my true family._

_Watching Reid's face broke my heart today as his tears flowed freely. That shattered look is something I'm never going to be able to forget. I know JJ will look after him, but my chest aches knowing that I'm responsible for that pain._

_Morgan was so stoic, standing there, staring at my coffin with his dark hooded gaze. I know he feels guilty. And it kills me (pardon the pun) that I can't let him know that I'm okay. _

_But, I can't risk him. I can't risk any of them. They're too important to me. And that knowledge alone could cause them all to end up in their own graves._

_Garcia's black dress looked alien to me...my unusual colorful friend looked so somber today...so unlike herself. I only pray that will pass quickly. The team is going to need her vibrancy now more than ever._

_Our newest addition to our group looked small and confused standing there in the cemetery, her young eyes traveling back to Dave several times during the simple service, searching for reassurance...for stability. My death has shown Ashley Seaver the side of the Bureau that no one ever thinks about when they join...that no one ever speaks about lest they jinx themselves. For her, I'm now forever a reminder to her that, sometimes, a mission goes south. And the consequence of that tragedy was now staring the poor young woman in the face. _

_Rossi, for his part, was solemn and strong...two words that I've always associated with thoughts of the private man. They'd need his experience...his strength now more than ever. He could help Aaron navigate their team through the grief. _

_JJ looked pale...like the weight of the world was burdening her soul. I hate what I've done to my friend. Because of me, she's being forced to live a lie. Her and Hotch, both. Putting them both is this position...forcing them to deliberately and knowingly lie to our team...it was never something I had wanted. It was never a scenario that I'd imagined. And yet, we are. Each of us, living a lie...with no end in sight._

_My Interpol handler says that I leave the country tomorrow. For where, I don't know yet. I suppose it really doesn't matter. The more distance I put between myself and these people that I love...this family that I pieced together for myself, the safer they will be._

_And right now, that's all that matters to me._


	5. Chapter 5

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**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Five**

Reading those last few lines for the fourth time in as many minutes, Aaron Hotchner felt his chest tighten.

Even at the worst, at the moment when she was coming face to face with her own mortality and what truly might have been, Emily Prentiss had been thinking about them. About how they must be feeling in light of all that had happened.

And about how to keep them safe. How to keep her family safe.

How to keep him safe.

He gripped the journal tighter, as if his touch alone could absorb all of the words through some strange form of osmosis. Her emotions were rawly evident with each written word, the trauma of the entire turn of circumstances coloring every sentence. And yet, underneath it all, he could sense her resolve, her fortitude.

Her determination to right the wrongs that had been done even though it was not her fault.

How would he ever find the words to let her know how much he wished he had been able to complete that task for her?

What were he and Emily to each other? Oh, he knew they were more than mere coworkers. They had passed that designation too long ago to remember. But how could he put a title on something he couldn't even define?

Shaking his head as he attempted to focus once again, he tried to avoid the questions still roiling through his mind.

_June 15, 2010_

_I hate Paris._

_City of Light, my ass._

_The beauty here is deceptive. It's cold. Untouchable. Much like my heart feels at the moment. As I sit here outside a small cafe, I find myself surrounded by people, all absorbed in their own personal hells...and I still feel completely alone. Isolated._

_Making a friend would be suicide. Theirs or mine, it really doesn't matter. _

_God, I miss my family. Oh, not Mother. Like the French, she is much too standoffish to actually miss. Even when I would stand in the same room with her, she was always miles away in her own universe of which I truly did not have an orbit. She never really saw me...never truly knew who I was. And how can you grieve a person you had no real knowledge of?_

_Mother is fine. I know that. Therefore, it's easier to consign that complicated relationship to the dark interior of my mind._

_But the others...my REAL family. That's not so easy. In fact, compartmentalizing has never been so hard. Knowing what they must be enduring is a physical ache...a burn in the pit of my gut. Reid would tell me that was the sign of an ulcer, I know. And he'd probably be right._

_But that ulcer was just a part of a much deeper illness._

_It's called love._

_When I was a girl, I dreamed of growing up one day and finding my soul mate. I thought that it was a given. All the movies had happy endings, didn't they? At the end of the book, the girl got the guy and they lived happily ever after. _

_Yeah, right. Hollywood obviously wished to cast a spell over us all that would make us believe such a fallacy could truly occur._

_Real life could never be so simple, could it?_

_No. In reality, unrequited love was much more common than happily ever after was. In the real world where I live, love isn't the idealistic emotion that the great poets all write about. It's not the inspiration I was led as a child to believe it was. _

_Nope, here in hell where I seem to have taken up residence, it's messy. Painful. Complicated._

_In other words, par for my freaking course._

_For years I've hit roadblock after roadblock in my effort to find my soul mate. After my experience with Ian, I gave up for a while. After him, the concept of finding happiness with anyone felt almost like a farce. Laughable and impossible. During my year with him, the entire definition of love became warped in my mind, twisting into something ugly and dirty that was almost incomprehensible. The thought of ever developing feelings for a man was almost repulsive after sharing myself with him. I realize now that the situation I was in had distorted my view of healthy relationships. Hell, I'm not sure until my team that I'd ever even HAD a normal relationship._

_And now that I've written that, I realize how utterly pathetic that truly sounds._

_And as noble as my cause might have been, that...what do I call it? Affair? It skewed my ideas regarding human interaction for me - as if my parents hadn't already done a pretty good job of that. All I've ever known from them is icy disdain shrouded in cool politeness. Who needed air conditioning growing up? All I had to do was sit in a room with either of my parents and the temperature dropped ten degrees. I guess it's little wonder that I'm frozen inside, is it?_

_But then, I found my team. And for the first time in my life, I knew warmth. Finding him, I learned what white hot heat felt like._

_I thought I'd known desire before in my life, but seeing him every day proved me wrong. _

_I've never felt anything like that magnetic pull. Helpless to resist it, I could only try my best to keep it hidden. I think I did a pretty good job. But even now, when I close my eyes and picture him, my heart does a funny flip and my stomach tightens. And that's just at the memory of him._

_It doesn't matter. Not anymore. Now, that he knows everything...all the dark, depraved things I did in the name of a job, I know he'll never look at me the same way again. None of them will. How could they?_

_The person they thought they knew never existed. I deceived them. Willfully lied to them about who I was. _

_Who could forgive that?_

_Better yet, who could love someone like that?_

_I certainly couldn't._

_**/**/**_

Coming to the end of the entry, Aaron groaned, running a hand over his face. How could she believe those things about herself? She thought she was frozen? That she didn't deserve to be loved?

Tightening his fingers around the book, his jaw clenched.

And it began to dawn on him, that perhaps, it was time for someone to prove her wrong.

And he was bound and determined to be that someone.

* * *

**Please take a moment and let me know your thoughts! Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: Hi, ya'll. There are so many exciting things going on over at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum this week! First, we have a brand new April challenge up for those that wish to participate. All the details can be found there, but basically, sign up to write your favorite character. You'll be assigned a random Original Character to pair them with in some capacity. For example, sign up with "David Rossi" and you might be assigned the OC of the second Mrs. David Rossi. Sign-ups are through March 31,2012.**_

_**Also, there's a brand new "Author of the Week" thread and this week our spotlight is on the fabulous jekkah. And, we've added a new discussion thread, "The OCs of Criminal Mind" for productive conversation regarding original characters.**_

_**Fortune Cookie Friday prompts are up for your consideration. And, we'd still like to hear from you on the idea of a Criminal Minds Fanfiction Reading Day. The idea is to choose one Sunday a month to set aside for reading and reviewing the many fantastic stories in the CM fandom. Swing by and comment on any of our discussion threads. We'd love to have you.**_

_**And a supersized thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and/or alerting our work. We appreciate each one of you. Feel free to friend us on facebook at either "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" or "Tonnie Fanfiction". We've got several fun things going on there too and a whole host of uber-talented author and reader friends chatting.**_

_**As always, Happy Reading!**_

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Six**

Emily carefully poured the steaming water into the mug, then dropped in the sieved metal ball that contained her favorite brand of loose tea leaves. The sheer act of brewing the perfect cup of tea was a calming experience that had been part of her stress release coping mechanism for as long as she could remember. Boil the water. Fill the tea ball. Steep the tea. Repeat as necessary. So simple, and yet so comforting, no matter where in the world she found herself.

Carrying her mug with her, she moved easily back into her living room, settling into the corner of her sofa as she carefully placed her tea on the nearby table. Reaching for her laptop, she clicked open her email. Her smile widened as she was greeted with the latest picture of Henry Jareau. Throughout her entire time in hiding, JJ had regaled her with tales of her adorable son, his alias well-coded behind layers of security, and Emily had found herself not-so-patiently waiting for the daily updates on the little boy's escapades.

Moving the picture to her pictures file, she moved quickly through a few other not so important emails. And then, as she was about to check the morning news, she blinked as a new mail suddenly popped into her inbox.

Aaron Hotchner was sending her an email. And the subject line was asking her if she was free for dinner that evening.

Clicking her mouse over the message quickly, Emily's eyes widened as she read the brief missive. Rattling the teacup against the saucer as she hastily dropped the steaming cup to the coffee table in front of her, she reread the short email as her heart pounded in her chest.

If she wasn't free for dinner, he asked that she give him a call, otherwise, he'd pick her up at nine. Short, terse, to the point. But it was definitely an invitation.

Blinking rapidly, she wondered if this was a date.

_Don't be stupid, Em. He doesn't think of you that way, _her cynical mind chided.

But her hopeful heart couldn't help lifting as she scanned the message a third time.

Aaron Hotchner wanted to take her to dinner. Biting her lip, she glanced at the mantle clock. She had an hour. Glancing down at her rumpled sweat suit, she silently acknowledged that she was going to need every one of those sixty minutes. Grabbing the remote, she quickly flipped the television off before closing the laptop and shifting it to the table and bounding to her feet.

Hurrying into her bedroom, she paused to turn on the shower in the bathroom, letting the water get warm. Turning toward her closet, she stepped inside and surveyed her choices. Too late to buy a new dress, she automatically gravitated toward the backless red number that had been hanging idle on the rod for months.

Gazing at the dress with a critical eye, Emily chewed on her bottom lip. The dress was gorgeous and she'd loved it when she bought it. The clingy fabric accentuated her subtle curves and the color flattered her. Hell, who was she trying to fool? The garment screamed sex appeal. It was one of those dresses that made a girl _feel_ every inch a woman...and it made her look even better.

Decision made, she snatched it from the bar and gazed at the floor. Reaching for her highest pair of heels, she figured if she was gonna go, better to go for broke. Closing the closet drawer, she dropped her outfit on the bed and turned toward the dresser. Smiling, she opened her lingerie drawer and scanned the contents.

Locating her matching red lace bra and panties, Emily tossed them on the bed, too. Glancing toward the steamy bathroom, she knew her water was ready. Stripping quickly, she headed toward the shower, dropping her dirty clothes in the wicker hamper.

This was really happening, her mind whispered as she stepped into the shower, the water washing over her naked flesh, relaxing her. After years of dreaming about Aaron Hotchner, perhaps this was finally the night she could find the courage to make her own feelings crystal clear. Since returning home, the air among the team had been tense, crackling with electricity. And the feeling was never as intense as when she was near him.

Perhaps his email was a sign from the universe that it was time to take her fate into her own hands. God knew that she wanted him. What was there not to want? Loyal, devoted, and so undeniably sexy that it made her teeth ache, Aaron Hotchner was ever fantasy she'd ever had come to life, she silently admitted as she washed her hair, tilting her head backward to let the warm spray rinse the suds from her hair.

Twisting the water off, Emily grabbed her towel from the wall, quickly blotting her skin and wrapping the terrycloth around her sarong style before grabbing a second towel and wrapping it around her head in a turban. Stepping out of the porcelain shower onto the rug in front of the tub, she inhaled deeply to steady her nerves.

This could be absolutely meaningless, she thought to herself, trying to downplay things now. Maybe he was bored or lonely. He had mentioned that Jack was away for the night, hadn't he? Reaching for the blow dryer, she stared at her reflection, distorted by the steam.

"This is insane," she moaned aloud. "Absolutely crazy." She eaten with Hotch countless times, she told herself, flipping on the blow dryer and pointing it at her head.

"He probably wants a consult on a case," she theorized aloud, running her fingers through her hair, detangling it with her fingers. "In which case, dressing like a woman looking for love is going to be really, really creepy."

Flipping her head down, she continued drying her hair as she alternately thought of explanations for his invitation only to discard them a moment later.

Turning off the dryer a few minutes later, she stared into the now clear mirror. "Okay, Em," she said to her reflection. "Are you gonna play or perish? It's do or die time."

And in that instant, she made her decision. She'd already tried dying once only to wind up exactly where she'd started.

With him.

Maybe it was time to do something about it.

* * *

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please take a moment and leave a comment. We love hearing from each of you!**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Seven**

Standing outside the heavy steel door that guarded the entrance to Emily's condo, Aaron carefully adjusted his silk tie. He wanted everything to be perfect; he was not about to risk one small misstep ruining what could be the most pivotal moment of his life.

And hopefully, hers, too.

Raising his fist to knock on the door, he suddenly stilled as he was reminded of another time when he'd been in this exact position. He had sought out Emily when both of them appeared to be heading in separate directions. The bureaucracy of the Bureau, obviously well named, had been contriving to rend them apart…to tear his team to pieces flung to the far corners of the nation. He had risked his family then…his relationship with his wife, which had already been in tatters…and had prayed that he was not hammering the final nail into his marriage's coffin. But not seeking out Emily's help and intervening in the case then had not been an option.

Just like now. Except, and he was mature enough to admit this salient thought, she was the one that had risked everything this time. She had known that what she had done would hurt them, but was necessary. Just like he had known then that he was hurting Haley but that he had no other option.

He had options now. And he intended to make sure that Emily Prentiss realized that she did, too.

Ignoring what he wanted was no longer a possibility for him. Not after almost losing her, not once, but twice. First to the stake Doyle had shoved in her chest, and then to circumstances beyond either of their control. If Haley's death had taught him one thing, it was that he couldn't afford to waste a second chance.

And that's what her return had offered him.

An opportunity to try again...to do better...to get it _right._

And the powerful words she'd written had only served to convince him that now was the time to seize the day. He'd spent years resisting the urge to grasp what he wanted, afraid that the team would all dissolve into chaos if it didn't work out. But as concerned as he still was about that very thought, the team was going to have to worry about itself. He needed to chance this while he had the courage to do it.

And preferably before he talked himself out of ringing the red buzzer to his hand's left.

"Steady, Aaron," he murmured aloud to himself as he forced his arm to lift and one blunt finger to shove the bell.

"Hello?" Emily's cheerful voice called through the intercom.

"Em, it's me," Hotch replied stiffly, wincing as he heard his own tone echoing in the small alcove.

"Come on up," she invited as the security lock disengaged and the light above the door flashed green.

"On my way," he replied, opening the steel door before he allowed himself to hesitate. Striding down the softly lit corridor, he opted for the stairs rather than the elevator. Maybe he could blame his flushed cheeks on exertion that way, he reasoned to himself as he climbed the two flights to Emily's apartment.

Reaching her door, he inhaled deeply, centering himself before he lifted his hand to her door chime. Almost instantly, she opened the door and his eyes widened.

She looked incredible, standing there in the clingy red dress, her small feet encased in heels that accentuated her fabulous legs. Her hair was pulled up away from her face in something he vaguely recognized as a twist of some kind. She was definitely a heart stopper. He only hoped she wouldn't be a heartbreaker, too.

"You look amazing," he offered softly, crossing the threshold when she gestured him inside.

"Thank you." Emily smiled as she shrugged almost self-consciously. "You offered me a chance to play dress up and I jumped on it with two feet. I hope you don't mind."

What kind of idiot would _mind_ a woman greeting him looking like that, Aaron asked himself curiously. Blind, deaf, dumb and DEAD? "Not at all," he replied as he shook his head, trying not to allow his eyes to linger on the creamy skin her low bodice revealed too very long. But, damn, he was a guy, after all. "You should play dress up more often. You look beautiful."

Surprised, Emily blinked. Was she dying? Had she been diagnosed with some horribly incurable disease and no one had told her. Because that might be the only way she could have ever envisioned Aaron Hotchner so freely complimenting her.

He saw by the look on her face that he'd shocked her and Aaron raised an eyebrow. "Don't look at me like that, Emily. I'm only stating the obvious. You wouldn't bat a lash if Rossi or Morgan had said it."

"Maybe not," Emily returned carefully, conscious that the air in the room had become somehow electrically charged. "But they pass out compliments like candy. You don't."

"True, but I only offer them if I mean them," Aaron countered evenly. "And I mean this one. You look beautiful."

Emily felt a warmth fill her belly as he stared at her. "Well," she breathed, her eyes glowing with delight. "You've managed to knock me completely off balance," she managed with a nervous smile.

"Kinda the way that dress knocked me off mine," Hotch murmured as his eyes traveled appreciatively over her curvy figure. "Are you ready?" he asked. "I grabbed us reservations at that new Italian Bistro on Elm for nine."

Nodding, Emily picked up the wrap she'd draped over the back of one wingback chair. "So, just so I'm clear," she began hesitantly, flashing Aaron a curious look, "Is this a..."

"Date?" he supplied calmly. Tilting his head, he asked, "Do you want it to be?"

Eyes widening at his blunt question, Emily swallowed. Grasping for some witty remark, Emily asked, "That depends. Who's paying?"

"That would be me." Hotch chuckled as he patted his pocket for his wallet.

Watching his lips twist into a rare smile, Emily's face warmed. "Then I'd say it's a date," she acknowledged softly. "If that's okay?" she asked, walking toward him, pausing in front of him to look up and meet his gaze.

"Definitely okay," Hotch replied quietly, opening the door for her. "Let's go."


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._

_First, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_

_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._

_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of MAY, anyone that reviews a ROMANCE related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._

_This week's author of the week is the talented Bren Gail. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Eight**

_**Italian bistro**_

Two hours later, Aaron found himself wincing as he led Emily out of the Italian bistro that was obviously a parody of the name. Hazarding a glance over at her, he told himself that at least she wasn't gagging or running screaming in the opposite direction. He supposed he had to be thankful for at least that.

Although at the end of the night, that was not exactly the impression he wanted to leave.

Capturing Aaron's hand and stilling him on the sidewalk, Emily met his worried eyes. "Aaron, it's perfectly all right," she assured him softly, smiling up at him. "It's not the end of the world, you know."

Rubbing his free hand over his jaw, Aaron shook his head ruefully. "I wanted it to be perfect, Emily. I wanted our first date to be something that we would both remember. And instead, we got this," he muttered as he motioned toward the non-descript restaurant they had just left.

Shrugging, Emily grinned wider. "So what if the chef hadn't been anywhere near Italy?"

"It was supposedly an Italian bistro, Emily," Aaron protested, his eyes darkening as he glared at the restaurant doorway. "It would have been better billed as Chef Boyardee because I'm fairly certain everything came out of a tin can made in America."

"It's not the food that I came for, Aaron," Emily countered, even though she privately agreed with his assessment. She had done her best to keep her opinions to herself concerning the cuisine, but having lived in Italy, she definitely knew the difference between marinara and weak tomato juice. Shaking her head again, she tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. "In case you missed it, I came to enjoy your company. And if you're still upset, you can make it up to me by taking me out for coffee. How does that sound?"

Meeting her eyes as he let a smile start to play on his lips, Hotch murmured, "I was going to suggest a nightcap."

"Even better," Emily answered as she smiled. "I've got a nice bottle of Chianti back at my apartment if you're interested," she offered subtly. "Or scotch if you'd rather."

"Either sounds wonderful. Fighting the bar crowd doesn't exactly appeal to me these days," he admitted. "The last time I was in a pub, Dave had to cue me when someone was interested."

Laughing as that mental picture began to form, Emily squeezed Aaron's hand as he guided her toward his black sedan parked on the side of the street. "I take it the dating scene has changed since you last played the field," she commented, winking at him as she deftly stepped around a broken chunk in the sidewalk.

Shuddering, Hotch grimaced. "Good God," he muttered, shaking his head reverently as he held open the door of the car for Emily. "I'd rather chase unsubs. At least there are clearly defined rules for that."

Laughing outright as he closed the door, Emily waited until he'd climbed inside the driver's seat and started the engine before she resumed the conversation. "Feeling a little blind out there in the big, bad jungle, Aaron?" she asked teasingly.

"The jungle is actually an apt description if you ask me," he agreed, picking up the thread of the conversation as he shifted the gears. "Every time I went out with Dave these last couple of months I sorta felt like I was dodging man-hating lionesses or being stalked by hungry tigresses. I'm telling you, the rules changed out there in the animal world when I wasn't looking."

Giggling, Emily tucked her hair behind her ear as she watched his hands confidently steer them back into traffic. "That bad? Really?"

"Worse," Aaron declared flatly. "Seriously, when I was dating Haley, you were considered a cheapskate if you didn't pay for the meal. On the last actual date I went on, I honestly thought the woman was going to stab me with her fork when I tried to handle the entire check. Hell, when I was dating Haley, going Dutch was reserved for office lunches, not dinner dates."

"Well, please note that I never once reached for any of my silver ware in an attempt to emasculate you tonight," Emily offered in a choked voice, trying diligently to keep her amusement under control.

"After my last experience, you have no idea how much I appreciate that," Hotch intoned as he grinned. "I guess I'm antiquated, but I just always assumed a lady preferred a man to be a gentleman."

"Most women don't recognize a gentleman as a gentleman anymore. They assume there's an angle or an ulterior motive somewhere," Emily admitted with a shrug. "It's a sad, but true fact that most men have one. But, then again, women aren't much better anymore. Tonight was a novel experience for me, too, you know? It's refreshing to know that when you take me home, I won't have to worry about you knowing where I live."

"I take it that you've felt the desire to move on more than one occasion?" Hotch asked dryly.

Chuckling, Emily inclined her head as she adjusted her seatbelt nervously. "A few times. But, I'm happy to say I sort of like knowing that you know where to find me."

Smoothly driving into her covered parking garage, Hotch pulled into a parking space near the door. "I had a really good time this evening, Emily," he murmured, killing the engine.

"So did I," Emily whispered, her smile now a permanent fixture. "Still feel like that drink?"

Hotch nodded, hoping he didn't sound quite as eager as he felt. "If you're up to it."

"Of course. Come on up," she invited, opening her car door as he followed suit.

_**$$0000$$**_

Half an hour later as she sat comfortably beside Aaron Hotchner on her leather sofa, Emily offered her date a sidelong glance as she toyed with her leaden glass. Emboldened by his easy company and the smooth aged liquor in her hand, she turned her head. "May I ask you a question, Aaron?" she asked above the softly playing jazz music she'd selected earlier.

"Hmmm?" Aaron hummed, taking a slow sip from his own tumbler.

"Why tonight? What made you finally ask me out after all these years?" she queried, staring into dark, unreadable eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Okay, first, thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and alerting our stories. We truly appreciate your comments._

_First, we want to offer you a quick rundown of activities and threads that are ongoing at the forum:_

_We've also introduced a "Help Wanted" thread to the forum for authors that are looking for assistance with various writing complications that come up. Perhaps you want someone to bounce ideas with, or maybe you need a beta….this is the place to post an ad for what you are looking for. We've also reopened the "Chat Chat Among the Authors" thread to discuss spoilers or ask questions. The "Getting to Know YOU…Tell us about yourself" thread is open. Swing by there to introduce yourself whether you are a reader or an author. We'd love to meet you._

_And lastly don't forget our "Pay It forward Review Incentive Program". From now until the end of MAY, anyone that reviews a ROMANCE related story is eligible to win an gift card. Details found on thread at forum._

_This week's author of the week is the talented pandorabox82. Please swing by that thread to ask questions about their writing and/or stories. In addition, there are several other threads open for comment. We hope to see each of you there._

_Oh! And skip on over to the forum and sign up for our "Challenge Within A Challenge" fic writing exercise! We'd love to have each of you to participate!_

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Nine**

Aaron had known this moment would come. Emily was not a naïve woman, and he was well aware of the fact that she was always carefully examining all motives, including his. And while he was certain of his choices, he was not as certain of how she would feel about his answer.

Meeting her inquisitive eyes, Aaron leaned forward and slowly placed his tumbler on the heavy wooden coffee table. "Maybe I finally realized that I had been afraid of missing another chance."

Arching one dark eyebrow, Emily cocked her head, dark hair falling over her shoulder. "And what chance would that be?"

"The chance to see if what might be will actually be as good as I believe it could be."

Rolling her eyes, Emily let out a dry chuckle as she took another sip of her drink. "Now that's the cryptic answer I expected."

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint you," Aaron replied wryly, his eyes crinkling. Shaking his head, he sighed as he leaned back, stretching his arm over the back of her sofa. "I don't want to wonder any more if we could actually be good together, Emily. After everything we've been through, I think we both agree that life's too short for us to be taking it slow any more, don't you?"

How long had she waited to hear those words falling off Aaron Hotchner's lips? Months? Years? It hardly seemed to matter now that the moment had actually arrived. Opening her mouth to respond in kind, Emily frowned as her ringing phone shattered the moment. "I…sorry." She winced as it rang again. "I'd let the machine get it, but it could be…"

"Work." Hotch nodded sympathetically, reaching for his own phone to check his messages.

"Yeah," Emily said with a nod as she pushed off the couch and scrambled for the telephone. Silently cursing the fates that had interrupted this pivotal moment in her life, she answered with a brisk snap in her voice. "Hello?" she said tersely.

"Emily?" a heavily accented British voice replied.

Emily's heart accelerated as she recognized the uppercrust British accent immediately. "Clyde?"

"Yes. I need you to meet me at our usual place. I have some information that you may not be aware of, my friend. Information that you cannot afford to ignore about our late mutual friends," he informed her cryptically.

"What's going on? I thought you and I agreed that our working relationship had reached its conclusion," Emily replied suspiciously. Clyde Easter was well known for using people like pieces on a chess board, moving them around to suit his own needs. And after everything, she was weary of being anyone's pawn. For any reason. And on his best day, Clyde was a manipulative son of a bitch that rarely made any move that didn't benefit either himself or his native country.

"I'm not on a secured line, Emily," Clyde returned swiftly, his tone impatient. "This isn't knowledge that I want to pass over open airways. It's time sensitive. Meet me. One hour. Our usual spot," he ordered, disconnecting abruptly.

Confused and mildly alarmed, Emily hung up the phone, staring down at it.

"Emily?" Hotch asked from behind her. "Are you all right?"

Turning, Emily's mouth went dry. She'd kept so many secrets. From her team. From him. The last thing she wanted was another deception in her life. "That was Clyde."

"Clyde? As in Clyde Easter, British Intelligence?" Hotch asked slowly, his spine tightening as he recalled his limited dealings with the mercurial man.

"That's the one," Emily agreed weakly, swallowing hard as a cold chill swept up her spine. "He wants me to meet him in an hour."

"Why?" Hotch questioned bluntly, his eyes narrowing.

"I don't know." Emily shook her head. "He was very evasive. He said his information was time sensitive and that he was on an unsecured line."

"Emily, you know that men like Easter do nothing without an agenda," Hotch warned, his shoulders stiffening as he felt his jaw clench. "Are you sure…"

"He implied that this regarded our "late mutual friends". That's how he phrased it. I have to go, Hotch. Tsia died trying to help me. If there's something I can do for her now…I owe it to her. I have to go. His message was too cryptic to ignore."

Pressing his lips together, Hotch inhaled deeply. Damn it, he thought angrily. It was like the damned mob. She tried to get out, but they kept pulling her back in. Not this time! Not again! And certainly not without him and his help. "I'm going with you," he finally said, reaching for the coat he'd draped across the back of the couch.

"Aaron, Clyde might bolt if I'm not alone," Emily worried aloud, frowning as she watched him slip on his jacket.

"Then he bolts. He knows who I am, Emily. If getting you a message is that important to him, he won't care who's there," Hotch replied evenly. "The bottom line is that I don't trust Easter. I put your wellbeing into his hands once before and he almost got you killed. It's not a mistake I'm willing to make again. Especially now."

"I can handle this, Aaron," Emily replied, reaching for her own black trench coat and cinching it around her waist before looking at her wrist watch. Mentally calculating the time it would take to reach their preset rendezvous point, she knew she was running short on time.

"I'm sure you can," Hotch acknowledged calmly. "But I'm not sure I can. I'm going with you, Emily. Now that can happen with us travelling together or I can follow you. Which would you prefer?"

"You're serious?" Emily sputtered, her eyes darkening.

"Completely," Hotch agreed with a grim nod. "We lost you once…I'll be damned if I stand by and watch you get sucked back into the clandestine madness. You've spent enough time on your own, struggling with circumstances you didn't create. This time, he'll have to come through me."

Lips twitching, Emily lifted an eyebrow heavenward. "I don't think I've ever heard you quite so….possessive."

"I prefer to think of it as protective," Hotch replied smoothly. "It sounds less chauvinistic."

Sighing as she realized that he was indeed willing to stand behind his threat, Emily nodded. "Okay, Aaron. Let's go see what this British bastard wants."


	10. Chapter 10

**FORUM NEWS: Several fun things going on NOW on the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum on !**

**1. The July Challenge, "The Crossover Challenge" is now up and available or sign ups at Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. Please join us. The rules are simple. Choose one tv character from another show, past or present and get randomly assigned one of the CM crew to pair your chosen character with. Signups are thru July 1****st****.**

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* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Ten**

Casting a disparaging look at the rundown convenience store at the edge of the DC city limits, Aaron frowned. "Emily, what the hell is this place?"

"It's the business of one of my former assets," Emily murmured. "Mr. Wong proved extremely helpful in proving some back door deals with China a few years ago. This," she said, gesturing at the dilapidated building with peeling paint, "was the Agency's way of saying thank you."

"Some reward," Aaron muttered, glancing left and right.

"Compared to where he came from, this is a palace," Emily assured him wryly. "Ready?" she asked, shooting him an inquisitive look. "You could wait here. I'll be okay." She smiled as she shrugged. "Wong and I go way back. If there was trouble in there, he'd already have contacted me."

"I'll tag along with you, if it's all the same," Hotch returned pleasantly, meeting her dark gaze. There was no way in hell he was allowing one of his agents to walk into what could very well be an ambush, no matter how sure she was. And since he didn't possess that same assurance, he damn sure wasn't letting her out of his sight. That's where he'd screwed up last time. Nobody could say that he didn't learn from his mistakes.

Following her across the narrow street lined with vehicles at least two decades old and littered with empty cigarette packs and crushed cans, Aaron eyed the dimly lit neon signs warily. Wong's Stop n Go, indeed, he thought grimly. He only hoped their visit was a stop and go experience.

Peering through the dirty glass window, he spotted a harmless looking Asian girl behind the counter.

"Wong's daughter, Mia. She knows nothing about her father's former life," Emily said in a low voice, her hand poised on the handle to the heavy glass door. "Let's keep it that way, okay?"

"My lips are sealed," Hotch solemnly vowed as Emily opened the door, the faint tinkle of the bell above announcing their arrival.

"Emily!" the girl behind the counter smiled widely, quickly sliding under the counter to offer the older woman a hug. "I wondered if we'd be seeing you tonight when your brother showed up!"

Keeping a bland expression on his face as the girl unwittingly told him the cover that Easter and Emily had put themselves under to this family, Hotch nodded to her when she looked at him.

"Yes," Emily agreed as she nodded. "Clyde called me earlier tonight and told me he'd dropped by to visit our old boss," she lied easily. "Are they in the back?" she asked, shooting a look toward the closed wooden door at the rear of the store.

"Yep." Mia bobbed her head, her forehead creasing as she eyed Hotch. "You finally get a boyfriend?" she whispered, giggling.

"I…ahhhh," Em faltered, her lips twitching. "That remains to be seen." She winked at the teen.

"Very nice," Mia drawled. "Very, very nice. You both go back," she said, waving toward the door. "I watch store for dad," she said decisively.

"Thanks, Mia." Emily grinned, moving quickly toward the entrance to the store room.

Following Emily, Hotch kept one hand close to his side where he could easily access his gun if necessary as the former Interpol operative rapped briefly once on the door before pushing it open.

Finding the room empty of anything but boxes of merchandise, Hotch closed the door behind him and watched Emily cross the room to tap against the wall, revealing a hidden door in the false wall. Shaking his head, Hotch sighed. Clandestine, thy name is Emily Prentiss, he thought privately.

Sliding through the narrow opening, he watched Emily push it closed before following her down a half dozen narrow cement steps. "What the…."

"This place doubled as a safe house back in the Agency's heyday," she explained softly, navigating the narrow corridor easily.

"I think I figured that out," Hotch murmured as they finally stepped into another dim room.

"Well, well, well," a cultured British voice chided, "There was a time when you would have trusted me enough to come alone, Em-ly."

"His company has less to do with trust and more to do with the fact that we agreed that our business had been concluded, Clyde," Emily returned evenly as she came face to face with her former boss. "I wish I could say that this is a pleasure, but we both know it's anything but. Why am I here?" Emily asked, sparing a small smile in Mr. Wong's direction. "Nice to see you Ho-chi."

"Emily," Mr. Wong said with a small bow. "A pleasure to see you as always."

"You, too," Emily returned pleasantly as she matched the older man's deferential bow. "This is my colleague, Aaron Hotchner. He's safe," she reassured the aging man. Turning her attention back to Easter, she narrowed her eyes. "Although, I'm not certain your other visitor is as unthreatening. What do you want from me, Clyde?" she asked irritably.

"Tsk, tsk," Clyde clucked as he leaned casually against the wooden pole in the center of the room. "Americans and their manners…whatever happened to the exchange of pleasantries?"

"I save them for people I genuinely like," Emily snapped, her dark eyes flashing with annoyance.

"And our dear Agent Hotchner," Clyde greeted, a smile playing at his lips. "Why am I not very surprised to see you here?"

"Probably because you aren't a stupid man and you realize that I trust you about as much as the unsubs we chase," Hotch replied, his tone congenial, his eyes anything but.

"That smarts a bit, mate," Clyde bristled. "Here I thought you and I might learn to be chums…or at least allies."

"You don't have friends, Clyde. You have tools," Emily replied with a snort. "And for the record, I'm no longer one of them. You've got fifteen seconds to come to your point or we're outta here."

"Always so direct," Clyde sighed, leaning back in his chair and stretching his legs out in front of him. "I shouldn't be surprised. You've been burned quite badly. For that, I am truly sorry, Emily," he said sincerely.

"Save your apologies, Clyde," Emily responded grimly, her shoulders stiffening as she stared at the man that had once been one of her closest confidants. "You're down to ten seconds."

"Right then," Clyde said briskly, nodding his head as he took a step forward. "I came back to DC to deliver a package to you, Emily."

"A package?" Emily echoed suspiciously, her eyes narrowing as she studied his unreadable expression. "I didn't leave anything behind," she said tightly.

"No," Clyde returned slowly, lifting his chin as he stared into her eyes. "Tsia did."

* * *

_Hello, friends! If you've been looking for our M-rated stories, we've found a new home for them! After fanfiction. net began to purge M-rated stories that were questionable according to their Terms of Service, we voluntarily removed our stories and are in the process of loading them on The Writer's Coffee Shop (thewriterscoffeeshop DOT com...make that a real address)._

_To find us, visit TWCS and then choose Library. Then click Authors, choose the I category, then ilovetvalot. Our stories will be listed for you to read!_

_If the story is rated M or NC-17 on that site, registration is required (so they can control the age of the viewers). It only takes about a minute to set up an account! Click Library, then choose Register from the left-side menu. Fill in the information requested (and you only have to give the information that is required with astericks!). You will receive a confirmation email and then be able to view all sorts of amazing stories!_

_We are continuing to post on , and we enjoy this site very much. However, in order to be in compliance with 's rules, we will be posting our M-rated stories at TWCS, and we will also post certain chapters of our epic stories at TWCS if the chapter strays into the M-rating. We will be updating our profile page very soon to provide you with links and to keep everyone updated on exactly where our stories are located!_

_**WE UPDATED OUR ROSSI/GARCIA EPIC, "TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL", AT THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP. STOP BY AND CHECK OUT CHAPTER 15, ALONG WITH SOME OTHER FUN STORIES ALREADY UPLOADED THERE! WE HAVE ALSO PUBLISHED A COMPLETELY NEW "M" STORY CALLED "AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW" AT THE WRITERS COFFEE SHOP! PLEASE CHECK IT OUT.**_

_We truly appreciate your continued support, and we look forward to providing you with many more stories in the future! Again, we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused any of you._


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum news: I'll try to keep it brief.**_

_August signups are open through July 31, 2012 for the "It's a Heat Wave Challenge!" Details can be found at the forum._

_New thread called, "What We're Reading Right Now!" is up and available for comment. We're asking readers and authors to tell us the first five books listed on their Kindle or e-reader (or, even their bookshelf)._

_Please check out an additional new thread called "Cover Girls…the New Option for covers on . Read and share helpful tips for creating story covers on the site._

_A continued thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read, review, favorite and alert our stories here on this site. We truly enjoy hearing from each one of you. Also, please check out our "M" stories at __**The Writers Coffee Shop (TWCS)**__ and a Brand New site run by fellow CM authors, Kavi Leighanna, Sienna27 and The Truth Between called __**Fractured-reality. Com**__. If anyone needs a link or direction to the new site, please feel free to contact us through either a private message or while leaving a review and we'll make sure to get back to you. Each former "M" story is getting an overhaul as we publish it AND there are new stories being added all the time there as well. Currently we are adding new and updated chapters to our very first femslash story, __**"FREEDOM OF A NEW EXPERIENCE"**__. Again, we'll be happy to answer any questions you have. As always, we own nothing other than our plots and original characters._

_**Also, for anyone following the story, "That's What She Said", the final chapter is available at both Fractured-Reality. Com and The Writers Coffee Shop.**_

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Eleven**

Emily sucked in a sharp breath as she met her former colleague's eyes. While she had been expecting her dear friend's name to be mentioned during the encounter, it was still a surprise when it happened. Especially paired with the fact that obviously Tsia had unfinished business. Barely raising one dark eyebrow, Emily asked, her voice perfectly calm, "And what exactly would Tsia have left with you that she wouldn't have told me about before she died, Clyde?"

"Let's just say that some things were better left unknown when the danger levels were much higher. Tsia had a great stake in keeping her private life completely private," Clyde responded, his body language as calm and collected as if he had just shared the latest Wall Street closing statistics. "You should understand. After all, you also kept a similar package hidden for many years, yes?"

Eyes narrowing, Emily took a step forward, her peripheral vision catching a matching movement as she realized that Aaron had moved nearer. "Clyde, cut the riddles. We aren't in covert ops any more. Put it on the table. Or I walk."

"I don't think Tsia would be appreciative of you walking out on her daughter, Emily," Clyde replied tightly. Turning to motion toward the door in the corner, he added before Emily could reply, "She's yours now. Tsia wanted you to raise her."

Emily's eyes widened as Wong moved to the door and held it open, allowing his wife to slide out with a small child in her arms. "Oh my God," Emily whispered, her lips quivering as she met the innocent toddler's eyes. "She had a baby," she breathed. "That's why she was so desperate to get back to Paris."

"This is Olivia," Clyde explained calmly, leaning back against the wooden pillar in the middle of the room, "Although Tsia called her Liddy."

"You knew!" Emily rasped, whirling to face the man that had kept this secret from her. "You knew and you didn't tell me! How could you?"

"I knew," Clyde confirmed, inclining his head slightly. "And I could for the same reason you will take this child home with you and love and protect her. I could because it's what Tsia wanted me to do."

"How could you not tell me?" Emily bit out, vibrating with rage as Aaron moved to her side.

"When would you have liked me to do that, Emily? I hardly think taking her on the run while Doyle hunted you like an animal would have been conducive to keeping her safe, now would it? I made arrangements for the child to be kept hidden to keep her from being harmed. Hate me if you like, but I made Tsia a promise that _nothing_ would happen to her child. I kept it. She wanted you to raise her. She thought I was too selfish to be a parental figure."

"She was right!" Emily hissed, her pale face clenching as she looked at the beautiful baby playing with Mrs. Wong's necklace.

"Be that as it may," Clyde replied slowly, "I took the liberty of formalizing things for you with the French and American governments. These," he said, drawing a sheath of papers from the inside pocket of his coat, "are sealed adoption papers granting you custody of the lovely Liddy," he said with a nod to the cooing child. "According to everyone that will ever matter, you adopted her abroad. There are no links to Tsia, whatsoever. Any of Ian Doyle's colleagues that may still be lurking about will simply know you've adopted a child. They'll never know she had any connection to your former life."

Taking the papers from his hand, Emily turned to hand them to the man beside her. Meeting his dark, solemn eyes, she whispered, "Aaron, could you…"

"Of course," he murmured, accepting them quickly and scanning the contents. Lifting his gaze to Emily's, he nodded. "Everything looks to be in order, Emily. By French and American law, you are her guardian."

Blinking as she registered what he was telling her, she shook her head. "I'm a mother?" she whispered, thunderstruck.

"_Not_ if you don't want to be. He can't bully you into something that you aren't ready to do, Emily," Hotch stated quietly. "You need to think about this."

"And what about her?" Emily said weakly, gesturing at the baby in Mrs. Wong's arms. "I'm certainly not going to leave her with Clyde! She's Tsia's," Emily choked, her eyes tearing up as she stared into the familiar eyes of her dead friend. She even had the soft flecks of gold in her eyes like her late mother did.

"I'll have you know that she and I got along famously during our international flight," Clyde said defensively from behind her. "Nary a tear was shed…at least by the child," he amended.

"Jokes?" Emily growled, whirling to face her one time mentor. "You're making jokes? Tsia is dead because of _us_, you bastard. Because of our choices!"

"Tsia knew exactly what she was doing," Clyde retorted, his voice harsh. "She knew the risks and she chose to have a child anyway."

"She was _out_, Clyde. She was making a new life for herself."

"And you know as well as I do that we're never _really_ free of our past," Clyde returned, his icy eyes daring her to argue. "Tsia thought that _you_ were what was best for her daughter. She saw the way you fought for Declan, and she wanted as much for her own child."

"You want to _guilt_ her into motherhood, Easter?" Hotch asked sharply, glaring at the other man.

"I want her to be aware of our friend's motivation," Clyde snapped, barely sparing a short glare for the taller man. "You didn't know her, Agent Hotchner. We _did_. And you," he said, switching his gaze back to Emily, "have to forgive yourself for things you had no control over."

"Easy for you to say," Emily ground out.

Sighing heavily as he reached into his pocket once again, Clyde said softly, "She left you a letter…in case anything should happen to her. I haven't read it," he murmured, holding it out to his former protégée. "I think you should read it before you make any decisions one way or another."


	12. Chapter 12

**A couple of important notes for today, readers. FIRST, THIS IS THE LAST DAY left to nominate your favorite authors and stories for the 2012 Criminal Minds Profilers Choice Awards hosted by the Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum. The nomination ballot, rules, and category list can be found there. A link is provided on my profile page. Please remember the deadline for nominations is October 15, 2012.**

**Also, Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum has also commenced the signups for our December challenge - the fandom's annual Christmas Gift Fic Exchange. If you are interested in passing along some Holiday joy, please swing by and sign up. Stories are the gifts that keep on giving. Please give this one a try.**

**As always, thanks to everyone that continues to read our stories!**

* * *

_**SPECIAL SIDE NOTE – Sarah O'Rourke (the professional pen name that ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 use) has released a NEW book on amazon. Com – Please swing by and check out **__**"The Devil's Snare"**__**. Please check out our other books as well. They are **__**"Inescapable Eye of the Storm"**__** and **__**"The Estate"**__** And please feel free to friend Sarah O'Rourke on facebook!**_

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Twelve**

Unfolding the note carefully, Emily drew in a long breath, steeling herself before she read the words. She'd have preferred to have done this privately, but the needs of the baby currently gnawing on Mrs. Wong's necklace precluded that. There was no way in hell she was leaving Tsia's child with Clyde now that she knew about her.

_Dear Emily,_

_If you're reading this, I'm already gone. Don't you dare blame yourself – I always knew the risks we faced. And besides, you've got bigger things to concern yourself now._

_Like my daughter._

_Yeah, I know, you're probably cursing me for EVER agreeing to put her in danger by coming back to help you. But, you, Emily Prentiss, were the sister I never had. And there is no one – absolutely no one that I would ever entrust my little girl's life to in the long term besides you. _

_Her name is Liddy. Or, if you want to be formal about it, Olivia Emily. Yes, I named her after you. Without you, I would never have met her father (and yes, I hold THAT against you a little bit) and I'd have never created this wonderful little person. I have no regrets about that. She's everything good that I've ever done, Em. She's my hope and my light. I live on in her beautiful bright eyes. Take care of her. Nurture her like we wished our own mothers had done for us. Protect her._

_But mostly, love her. Love her enough for both of us. I know that if anyone can offer her the life she deserves to have, it's you. No, don't roll your eyes (and yeah, I know you are!). It's true. You and I lacked the loving home when we were kids, Em. You know how important it is for her, and to me, for her to have that._

_Find her a guy to fill the daddy role. Maybe that handsome dark haired agent you swore you weren't hung up on when we last talked. Yeah, I knew you were in love with him. For a covert agent, you were always shit at lying to me. Make sure he loves her, though. No absentee fathers like we had, okay?_

_At any rate, I enlisted Clyde's help. Yeah, I know how you feel about him, but honestly Em…he's on our side. He acts like a Bond British Badass…but, you should have seen him with her. She adores him._

Looking up from the letter, Emily blinked back tears as she watched Clyde tickle the baby's foot, drawing a giggle from her little mouth. Damn, maybe she was wrong….hell, right now, she wasn't sure about anything. Forcing her eyes back to the letter in her hand, she stared at it again.

_He's agreed to help me. Until the Irish bastard is brought to his knees or locked in a cage, he says he'll keep her hidden…I'm shivering right now…I'm that scared. Remember the days when we were fearless? Back then, we had nothing to lose but our own lives._

_Now, though, we have families. You with the BAU team and me with Liddy. They matter. They matter enough to put our own lives on the line._

_You're my family, Em. My sister. Maybe not in blood, but definitely in my heart. Once, you were willing to sacrifice everything for a little boy that wasn't even yours. He didn't belong to you, but you loved him just the same. It didn't matter what his father was or that loving him put you into a psycho's crosshairs. You put that boy first. I admired that choice, then and now. At the time, I thought you were insane and said as much, but I get it now. I really do._

_Nothing matters more to us than our children. No extreme is too far when we're protecting them._

_For a short time, you were Declan's mother. Now, I need you to make that commitment for the rest of your life. For my Liddy. Your Liddy now, Emily._

_Because that's what she is. Your daughter. I'm entrusting you with the most precious thing in my world. Don't let me down. She needs you and I need for you to do this._

_I know you can. Even now, I can hear those not-so-quiet thoughts running through your head. First, no, you won't screw this up. YOU better than anyone knows what not to do. Yes, you can handle this. You can handle it for the same reason you took on Doyle – because it HAS to be done by somebody. And yes, you ARE maternal enough to be a mother. _

_Don't you dare let me down, Emily. Don't you dare. There's too much riding on the line here. I'm gone and she needs you! _

_Do this for me. Grant my one wish._

_Clyde has another note for Liddy. When you think she's old enough, give it to her. Tell her how much she was loved by not only one mother, but two. Tell her I would have given anything to be there, but fate isn't always kind. Tell her to never surrender. And most of all, tell her that she WAS loved, then, as now._

_It's time to move into position, Em. I have to go._

_I love you._

_Tsia_

Choked with emotion, Emily lifted her eyes to find Clyde staring at her, his usual smirk replaced by a look so grim…so utterly solemn, it gave her pause. "She trusted you," Emily whispered.

"I'm a lot of things, Em'ly," Clyde returned, "But, I have not and will never betray members of my team. Past or present."

"I'm beginning to realize that," Emily said heavily, refolding the note carefully and putting it in her bag. One day Liddy would want to see it. It was now precious. Almost as precious as the child being held in loving arms.

"You all right?" Hotch asked, concerned when Emily wavered on her feet. Reaching for a dusty folding chair in the corner, he pulled it toward them. "Here," he said, gently pulling her into the seat. "Sit down."

"Thanks," Emily said, with a smile that was more of a grimace. Looking at Mrs. Wong, she held out her arms. "May I hold her?" she whispered.

Seeing the Oriental woman's smile, Emily quickly felt the child lowered into her arms. "Hello," she whispered to the child. Pressing her lips to Liddy's forehead, she looked at Clyde. "I want to know everything, Clyde. Every single detail about Tsia, Liddy, and how the hell this all happened."


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: We wanted to take a quick second and let everyone know that the FINAL voting ballot of The Profiler's Choice Criminal Minds Awards is up and live at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. Please read all the rules before filling out your ballot.**

**Other activities ongoing at the forum are as follows:**

**Signups for the Christmas Fic Gift Exchange are open through October 31, 2012. Details are on the forum.**

**We have also opened Chat Line threads for various pairings in the CM fandom. If you don't see the pairing you wish to discuss, just shoot me a private message and they'll be added promptly. There is also a thread discussing what viewers think of new profiler, Alex Blake. And finally there is a new thread discussing who your favorite pairings are on Criminal Minds and why.**

**We welcome everyone to swing by Chit Chat on Author's Corner and join the fun.**

**As ever, thank you for reading our work. We truly appreciate each of you.**

* * *

**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Well, when a girl meets a boy and they truly like each other…." Clyde began dramatically, rolling his eyes when Aaron Hotchner's hand settled heavily around his neck.

Aaron bent and said silkily beside Clyde's ear, tightening his fingers warningly on the other man's nape, "I don't think that's what Emily is asking, do you?"

"Do tell your American goon to cease and desist," Clyde implored Emily, his lips pursing. "I'll tell you anything you wish to know, but your well aware of who Olivia's parents were. You are also intelligent enough to understand why her existence was kept secret. I've employed no less than honorable motives here, Em'ly. I kept the child safe until it was appropriate to bring her to you. She's been harmed and suffered in no way. That much, I can promise you."

"Your promises haven't been worth very much in the past," Hotch bit out from behind Clyde's chair.

Staring at Easter's impassive face, Emily shook her head slowly. "Clyde wouldn't hurt a child. Or place one in intentional danger." The operative was many things. Cruel wasn't one of them, especially where it concerned a child. He'd been pivotal in protecting Declan all those years ago.

"Thank you." Clyde inclined his head toward Emily, her soft defense of his less than stellar character somewhat softening him.

"Where has she been, Clyde?" Emily inquired quietly, shifting the baby in her arms. "Who has been taking care of her?"

"I placed Olivia with a cloister of nuns outside Paris," he answered truthfully. "They've assisted me in protecting assets in the past. She was quite the welcome addition," he said with a faint smile. "She will be missed. The Mother Superior would very much appreciate an occasional picture."

"A nunnery." Emily gaped, surprised. Clyde always had contacts that had amazed her. He had a unique ability to find allies in the unlikeliest of places.

"Would you go looking for an infant amidst a bunch of nuns?" Clyde challenged wryly.

"I suppose not," Emily murmured, staring down at the beautiful child. "She's healthy? No problems? Allergies? Childhood illnesses?" she asked, bouncing the little girl gently against her chest, the weight in her arms a pleasant comfort in light of the circumstances.

"Entirely." Clyde nodded, pulling a slim file from his bag. "Her medical records," he said, handing them over his shoulder to Hotchner. "All her immunizations are current and up to date according to American standards. She was very well cared for," he assured the observant woman before him.

"Tsia's family?" Emily grimaced. "She had a sister, didn't she?"

"Tsia cut off all contact with her biological family several years ago. Mostly for their safety, but I also suspect it was a bid to save her sanity," Clyde informed her briskly. "I did do some preliminary inquires…all very discreet, mind you. Her sister is a drug addict that currently sells her body off the shore of the Seine, Agent Prentiss. She was in no way mother material. I think Tsia was all too aware of that. She chose the guardian she wanted. It was you."

Emily could barely catch her breath. Looking at the small child in her lap, Emily's heart flipped in her chest. How many times had she dreamed of being a mom? Of doing all the things for her own child that her absentee mother hadn't bothered doing for her? Diapers and bottles. Dance recitals. PTO meetings. She'd lusted after that bond for so long it had become an ever present ache that resided deep inside her.

And now, Tsia was offering her the opportunity to live her dreams from the other side of the grave.

"Em'ly," Clyde sighed, leaning forward in his seat, "I don't want to rush you into a decision you aren't prepared to make…."

"…but you're going to, aren't you?" Aaron asked, his eyes narrowing knowingly on the other man as he moved back to Emily's side.

Looking up at the taller man with unreadable eyes, Clyde lifted his chin. "It is Agent Prentiss' decision to make. Not mine. Not yours. But I do need her to decide. I'm booked for a flight back to London tomorrow evening."

"Of course, I'm going to keep her," Emily replied automatically, the words flying out of her lips without thought. There was no other decision to make. She certainly wasn't going to send Tsia's only child off to God only knew where to an uncertain fate when she knew she could provide the baby much better. "The decision is made, Clyde."

Blinking, Aaron stared down at the normally rational woman in front of him. "Emily, are you sure you want to make that kind of decisions in the fifteen minutes we've been here? This is…life changing."

"What if it was Jack?" Emily asked simply. "What if Jack was in this same position, Aaron. Would you want me to 'think it over'?" she asked. "Or, would you want me to do what you'd wanted…what needed to be done."

"I wouldn't have sprung it on you in some kind of surreal surprise," Aaron replied evenly. "I'd have prepared you," he said with a glare at Clyde.

Shrugging, Clyde merely raised one brow. "Well, we can't all be as solid and upstanding as you, Agent Hotchner. Difficult choices had to be made in a limited amount of time. I kept my word to Tsia. I did my duty. I have nothing to apologize for."

"I think we'll agree to disagree on that, Easter," Hotch retorted, his jaw clenching. "Emily, all I'm saying is that perhaps you need longer than a half hour to process things. I'm not suggesting that you make _any_ decision right now."

Curving her arms protectively around the drowsy little girl she held, Emily met his gaze squarely. "The decision _is_ made. Olivia is coming home with me. It's what Tsia wanted, and it's what I want." Rising, she held out her free hand for the child's bag.

"There isn't much in the way of possessions," Clyde said regretfully, tilting his head slightly in deference.

"I'm more than capable of providing her anything she needs." Emily shook her head, watching as a shocked Aaron accepted the diaper bag. "Thank you for bringing her to me, Clyde," she whispered, grateful to the man she'd once trusted with her life.

"I'll be in touch," Clyde nodded, saluting a silent Aaron Hotchner as the other man followed Emily Prentiss and the child from the room.

* * *

_**SPECIAL SIDE NOTE – Sarah O'Rourke (the professional pen name that ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 use) has released a NEW book on amazon. Com – Please swing by and check out **__**"The Devil's Snare"**__**. Please check out our other books as well. They are **__**"Inescapable Eye of the Storm"**__** and **__**"The Estate"**__** And please feel free to friend Sarah O'Rourke on facebook! **_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Dear Friends: We are pleased to provide updates to five of our ongoing stories today. We hope you enjoy our multiple trips into the various worlds of Criminal Minds that we've created, and we look forward to hearing from you about the chapters!**_

_**And when you finish these new updates, head on over and friend Sarah O'Rourke's Facebook page at facebook sarah. Orourke. 507 (simply remove the spaces). When we reach 100 likes, we're having a special drawing to give away a free copy of one of our books (in the form of a $5 Amazon gift card!) While you're there, check out the books that we have to offer. From erotica and romance to a trip through the supernatural, we have something for everyone! You can see all of Sarah's books at her author's page at amazon author / sarahorourke (simply remove the spaces).**_

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**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Fourteen**

The drive back to Emily's place was accomplished in total silence, both adult occupants of the vehicle completely lost in their own thoughts. The only occasional sound was the little snuffles of the baby Emily held protectively to her chest.

Aaron stopped the car only once at the first shopping plaza he found. Meeting Emily's confused gaze in the dimly lit sedan, he whispered, "She needs a car seat, Em."

Blinking in surprise, Emily lowered her gaze to the baby girl nestled against her chest. She was loathe to release her, but she knew the child would be safer in a snug seat. "Hang on, I'll give you my credit card," she whispered, fumbling for her purse at her feet.

"I'm not concerned about that," Aaron replied quietly, stilling her reaching arm. "I assume you don't have diapers and bottles stashed at your place for a rainy day either."

"No," Emily answered, grimacing. Why hadn't she thought of that? Glancing at the mostly empty diaper bag, she murmured, "I never even considered…"

"It's okay," Hotch murmured, privately thinking that there was quite a bit she hadn't considered, but wisely keeping his mouth shut. "I'll just pick up the basics to get you through the night right now. Tomorrow you can focus on making a list of what you need."

"Thanks," she whispered, aware of the warm body nestled so trustingly in her arms. "Aaron…"

"We can discuss more once we get Liddy home, Em. It's getting late and she's exhausted," he pointed out, nodding at the drowsy child. "Not to mention that this isn't exactly the time or ideal location for an in depth conversation," he continued, his eyes scanning the dark, mostly deserted parking lot. "Keep the doors locked and I'll be back as quickly as possible."

Nodding, Emily watched as Aaron climbed out of the car and hurried toward the entrance of the store. Resting her chin on Liddy's head, she inhaled deeply. What was it about babies that always smelled so innocent? So clean? The child resting in her arms had no concept of evil….her life was a blank slate and could be filled with everything good and wonderful in the world. She could do that for Tsia. It was the _least_ she could do for Tsia.

Brushing a kiss against Liddy's soft hair, Emily whispered, "I'm going to take such good care of you, Peanut. No more bad stuff for you. Only sunshine and starry nights. You'll see." Somehow, she would find a way to give this little girl the life she should have had with her parents. "Yes, you and I are going to be just fine."

Watching as Aaron reappeared at the sliding doors of the store a few minutes later, she had to laugh. Rarely had she ever seen the Unit Chief quite so beleaguered. Balancing three large shopping bags and a carseat in his arms, however, he seemed decidedly overwhelmed as he made his way back to the car.

Quickly pressing the button to unlock the doors, Emily glanced over her shoulder as Aaron opened the back door and dumped the huge plastic bags on the floorboard. Wincing, she asked, "Troubles?"

"I'd forgotten how much so-called basic stuff you use when you have a baby," he replied truthfully, maneuvering the new car seat into the back seat and fastening the safety harnesses with an efficient hand. With one knee propped on the seat, he reached for the baby. "Give her to me, Emily, and I'll fasten her in the seatbelt."

Relinquishing Liddy into Aaron's capable hands, Emily watched him strap her inside the seat. "You do that like it's the most natural thing in the world," she murmured. "It'll take me days to figure out how to get her in that thing."

Chuckling as he made sure the straps were secure against the sleeping child's body, he shook his head. "It gets easier with practice," he assured her before crawling out of the backseat and getting back behind the wheel. Blowing out a long breath, he rested his hands on the steering wheel. It wasn't often that he indulged in marathon shopping sprints. Especially not for a baby. "She okay?" he asked, looking over his shoulder.

"She's out like a light," Emily whispered, her eyes glued to the little girl that she could now call her own. "I have a daughter, Aaron," she breathed, her eyes watering as she stared at Liddy. "When I got up this morning, my biggest commitment was to a _cat._ Sergio was the only animal I shared a relationship with. Now…"

"Everything has changed," Aaron supplied quietly, offering the woman beside him a sidelong look.

"In the time it took me to blink, Aaron," Emily whispered back, her eyes clouding as she watched Olivia nap in the backseat, her flushed little cheek leaning against the strap of the seatbelt. "I always wanted children, but I never imagined it happening like _this_."

"I don't think anyone could have predicted this, Emily," Aaron allowed gently as he backed the car out of their parking space and aimed it back onto the highway.

Lapsing into companionable silence until they reached the parking garage for her building, Emily held her breath as Aaron steered the car into a vacant slot. Twisting the key in the ignition, Aaron looked at Emily's shadowed face. "If you can grab the bags, I'll carry Liddy and her seat up to your place."

Nodding quickly, Emily unfastened her seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Circling the vehicle, she accepted the bags Hotch passed her, hitching them over her wrists.

"Lead the way," Hotch invited, shutting the car door with a bump of his hip and cradling Liddy's new seat to his chest. Following Emily through the garage, they made the short walk to her door quickly. Waiting patiently as she dealt with the locks, Aaron smiled down at the sleeping baby in his arms. With little black tufts of hair and full healthy cheeks, she looked like a tiny angelic cherub. Crossing the threshold as Emily held open the door, he asked, "Where should I put her down at while we get her set up?"

Gesturing toward the couch, Emily closed the door. "On the sofa, Aaron. But, you don't have to stay. I can figure out something."

"Jack is gone for the entire night, Emily. I can help. Just let me put her down," he whispered, carefully releasing the latch that held the baby in the carseat and extracting the child.

Emily watched Aaron's slow movements and admired how natural he seemed. He made it look effortless when she knew it was anything but. "If you'll watch her, I'll put on a pot of coffee," Emily offered, grateful that she would have his help for the next few hours.

"Sounds good." Hotch nodded, rocking the babe in his arms when she stirred. "I think we're both going to have a long night."


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello, friends! Just want to make a quick announcement that the May Challenge –"The Dearly Departed Death Fic Challenge" is available for sign-ups at the forum until April 30. We hope everybody will visit 'Chit Chat on Author's Corner' forum and give it a look. **

**Thanks for reading!**

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**Through the Looking Glass**

**Chapter Fifteen**

Staring at the coffee pot as she deftly dropped in the required filter, Emily couldn't help but remembering the exact same motions earlier that morning. Every morning, the first thing she did was pad down to the kitchen and brew the delicious and necessary beverage that would keep her fueled for whatever she faced that day. There was comfort in the routine, stability in the effects.

Except she had a feeling now that the miraculous powers of the coffee bean weren't going to extend to the situation she was currently facing. She sincerely doubted that a cup of joe was gonna miraculously shed light on the events that had unfolded this evening. From Aaron's sudden change of heart regarding their relationship to her newfound motherhood, tonight had been filled with curveballs she hadn't foreseen heading her direction. And while she had only to worry about herself and her own needs up to this day, fate had obviously conspired to provide her with a new focus for her already well-rounded life.

It was a good thing that life had trained her to be versatile almost from infancy.

She doubted the little girl that she now called her own would appreciate a wake-up call of coffee every morning, however. It wasn't as though she could offer the kid a cup as a bribe the way she could a grumpy Rossi or Reid.

Life had changed.

In the space of a mere 16 hours, her life had once again been thrown into an upheaval that would rival even the best clandestine plans the CIA had ever imagined. And damn, but she'd seen and been a part of a few of those. And while the change wasn't unwelcome, it would require some time to find her feet in the great expedition into motherhood.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a faint whimper sounded, and she turned on her heel as she all but flew around the corner back into the living room. Her eyes wide as she moved quickly to Aaron's side, she asked worriedly, "Is she okay? Is she hurt?"

Merely raising a brow at the usually unflappable woman beside him, Aaron tried not to find to be amused by her frantic eyes. "I just changed her diaper," Aaron said softly. "Babies generally aren't a fan of the process. She's fine," he explained, resting a hand on the child's rounded stomach as she blinked once up at them before lowering her heavy lids and huffing out a long breath. "See," he whispered, reaching for the soiled diaper. "She's out like a light again," he remarked as Emily stuffed pillows around the sleeping baby so she wouldn't roll of the couch. "Trash can?"

"Kitchen," Emily said, offering him a rueful grin.

"Lead the way," Hotch murmured as he nodded. "I could use the caffeine."

"Do you think she'll be okay in there by herself?" Emily asked, pausing at the doorway to the kitchen. "I mean, I don't want her to wake up alone in a new place. She's been shuffled so much in her short life, Aaron," she continued to worry.

"She'll be fine for the minute and a half we're in the kitchen, Em," Hotch assured her gently as he gave her a small push into the kitchen. Depositing the used diaper in the trash can in the corner of the room, he said, "You pour the coffee while I wash my hands and we'll take our cups into the living room with her."

Nodding, Emily moved toward the coffee pot and withdrew two sturdy mugs from the cabinet above her head. "I know you probably think I'm silly, but…"

Moving to the sink, Aaron quickly washed his hands and smiled. "You aren't silly. You're now a mother."

"Wow," Emily said, her breath hitching in her throat. "Hearing it out loud is just,…_Wow_," she breathed, shaking her head.

"It's overwhelming," Hotch replied, shaking the water off his hands as he reached for a towel on the counter. "I remember the first time I held Jack," he recalled with a faint smile as he dried his hands. "It was one of those moments that you never forget. I think the best description I can come up with is awestruck," he said, throwing down the dishtowel.

"That's definitely an apt word for it," Emily agreed while she poured their coffee with shaky hands. She wordlessly passed him a cup before reaching for her own and following him back into the living room.

Her eyes immediately went to the child on the sofa. "She looks so peaceful," Emily breathed when she stood over her new daughter.

"Not a care in the world," Hotch agreed as he joined her. His own gaze softened as he stared down at the little girl. "She's certainly a beauty."

"Isn't she?" Emily nodded, swallowing hard as she blinked back tears. "Tsia was gorgeous and her father was easy on the eyes, too. I guess it stands to reason that they would create someone amazing between them."

Staring at Emily's profile, Hotch kept his voice low. "You miss her." Pain had laced Emily's words, and he was no fool. Emily might put on an amazingly convincing front for everyone else, but deep down, he knew a part of her was still trying to recover from what she'd endured at Doyle's hands.

His statement was more fact than question, but Emily answered anyway. "Every day," she whispered. Licking her lips, she continued. "Tsia was _out._ After Doyle, everyone that worked on that sting was burned out except for Clyde. We all decided that we were through. We went our separate ways, but Tsia and I kept in touch through the years. We were close. She and I went through covert training together. We kept each other sane." Sighing, she leaned down to adjust the baby's blanket. "She knew everything about me," Emily murmured sadly, smoothing the blanket around Olivia's body. "Your mother was amazing, Liddy," she whispered.

"_Both_ of her mothers are amazing," Aaron said gently, dropping his hand against Emily's shoulder as she turned to look at him.


End file.
